Facebook
by Indigo Lights
Summary: What if the witches and wizards of Hogwarts all have facebook accounts? Stalk 'em here. Series of Drabbles. R&R. Can also include AVPM/S. Rated for Language. Enjoy reading!
1. Albus' status

_**A/N:**__ Hi guys! Just bored and decided to do this. Please Review! JKR owns HPUniverse, not me. Yeah. Oh, and some lines might include the 'A Very Potter Musical'... not mine, Team StarKid owns that part._

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**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore **I have something to tell you guysss!

_**5 people like this.**_

**Harry James Potter **What is it, sir?

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **RUMBLEROAR ROCKS! BEAT THAT!

**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore **Who the hell is Rumbleroar? Wait, I told you I got something to tell you all!

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **He's the head master of Pigfarts and a lion. WHO CAN TALK.

**Severus Prince Snape **Ignore Draco, Albus. Proceed to what you're going to tell us.

**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore **Very well, Severus. Now, as I was saying…

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **Pigfarts! Pigfarts! Here I come! Pigfarts! Pigfarts! Yum yum yum!

**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore …**Did you know that here at Hogwarts?

**Harry James Potter **What?

**Severus Prince Snape **Here we go again.

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **Whatever it is, Pigfarts has it ten times better!

**Lord Voldemort **HA! Avada Kedavra Harry James Potter!

**Harry James Potter **EXPELLIARMUS Lord Voldemort!

**Bellatrix Lestrange ***points wand Ginny Weasley*!

**Molly Weasley **NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH!

**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore **Does anyone else want to know my announcement?

**Lord Voldemort **Say it before I kill you! BWAHAHAHA!

**Harry James Potter **SHUT IT VOLDIE! Please continue sir.

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **I guess so. SHUT UP FERRET PIGFARTS BOY!

**Hermione Jean Granger **We would be delighted sir.

**Severus Prince Snape **Do we even have a choice?

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **Shut up you blood traitor Ronald Bilius Weasley! PIGFARTS RULE!

**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore **Did you know that here at Hogwarts, WE BOUGHT A HIDDEN SWIMMING POOL!

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **DID YOU KNOW THAT THERE AT PIGFARTS, ZEFRON IS THE SCHOOL MASCOT!

**Lord Voldemort **Pwned.

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**PLEASE REVIEWWWW! :)**


	2. Draco's Wallpost

_**A/N: **__HEY! This part was like a song from a band called "Draco and the Malfoys". It's their song, not mine. Only Draco's part, though. Oh, anyway, thanks for the supports! Hey, JKR owns HPUniverse, sorry, not me. Edward Cullen has a line here and I hope that I don't violate the crossover rules. It's only a line. Meyer so owned him. Who cares? No offense. **REVIEWS.**_

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**Draco Lucius Malfoy_ to _Harry James Potter: **My dad's always there to open all my doors. You have to call a patronus just to catch a glimpse of yours.

_**Pansy Parkinson and 2 others like this.**_

**Harry James Potter **Shut up, Malfoy!

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **My mom says she loves me when she tucks me to bed. How's your mommy doing in the Mirror of Erised?

**Harry James Potter **Back off Malfoy!

**Hermione Jean Granger **Do you want me to punch you in the face again, ferret boy?

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **No one asked for your opinion, you filthy mudblood!

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **You wanna eat slugs Malfoy?

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **Why don't you eat slugs? I bet you don't have enough money to afford real food nowadays! HA! Oh, and Pothead, I believed that I'll sing you a song.

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **FERRET BOY! I'm cursing you 'til you reach that bloody hell where you belong!

**Hermione Jean Granger **Come on, Ron! Just leave that freaky ferret alone! He doesn't deserve it.

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **GO RUN OFF TOGETHER! NOBODY LIKES A MUDBLOOD AND A BLOOD TRAITOR.

**Lord Voldemort **HEY! CONTINUE WITH THE INSULTS MALFOY! I'm imagining Potter's hurt face. BWAHAHA!

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **Of course, My Lord.

**Harry James Potter **WHY DID I EVEN ADDED YOU AS MY FRIENDS HERE?

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **My dad is rich and your dad is dead!

**Harry James Potter **ALRIGHT! THAT'S IT! I'M FUCKING BLOCKING YOU!

**Lord Voldemort **NOT BEFORE I KILLED YOU! AVADA KEDAVRA!

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **FINALLY! Where are your bloody best friends now, huh?

**Harry James Potter **AS IF YOU COULD ALL BEAT ME! I'm the BOY WHO LIVED. NOT DIED.

**Neville Longbottom **Long Live Harry Potter!

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **Shut up Longbottom!

**Edward Cullen **Does that mean we're on glitters now?

**Lord Voldemort **How did you get here?

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **Gayward Cullen!

**Harry James Potter **We don't sparkle. Sorry.


	3. Voldemort's status

_**A/N: **__Back again! HEY! Don't own anything except the story flow. :)) __**REVIEWS!

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**Lord Voldemort **Yo mama's so old, she make Dumbledore look like a child!

_**Bellatrix Lestrange likes this.**_

**Harry James Potter **Yo mama's so ugly, she scares Dementors away!

**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore **That's mean, Harry.

**Harry James Potter **I'm sorry, sir.

**Lord Voldemort **Yo mama's so poor, she had to go to the Weasleys' for dinner!

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **BEAT THAT, POTHEAD!

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **HEY! THAT'S TERRIBLE!

**Percy Ignatius Weasley **Wait 'til the ministry hears about this.

**Ginny Weasley **GO TO THE FUCKING HELL, VOLDIE! I CREYSSS!

**Bill Weasley **To the highest extent, you are the worst snakehead that I've ever encountered!

**George Weasley **Yo mama's so poor, you were born in an orphanage! :P

**Fred Weasley **Yo mama's so fat, it takes two boggarts to shape-shift her!

**Harry James Potter **Good job on mocking Fred and George!

**Lord Voldemort **When in hell did I accepted all the Weasleys as my facebook friends? This is so awkward. My haters will like… hate me moreeeeee! :'(

**Harry James Potter **Yo mama's so ugly, when she walked inside Gringotts, they gave her a job as a goblin!

**Lord Voldemort **Yo mama's so skanky, she's the reason you're called a half-blood prince!

**Severus Prince Snape **HEY! That hurt!

**Lord Voldemort **Oops, my bad, Severus. Sorry.

**Harry James Potter **Yo both mama're both so poor, Dobby gave them a sock!

**Lord Voldemort **Yo mama's dead, you only see her in the mirror of erised! HA!

**Bellatrix Lestrange **Genius, my Lord.

**Lucius Malfoy **HAHA! BEAT THAT!

**Severus Prince Snape **That hurts too!

**Lord Voldemort **Oops, sorry again, Severus.

**Severus Prince Snape **Maybe you should keep your mouth shut like your slit noses so they won't hurt your followers. I CREYSSSSS!

**Severus Prince Snape **Oh, and just so you all know, I HAVE FEELINGS TOO! I CREYSSS MOREEEEEE! :'(

**James Potter I **Who cares? I'm back from the dead baby!

**Sirius Black III **ME TOO! WE SHALL RULE FACEBOOK!

**Remus Lupin **Let's all drink at the Shack! Maybe we'll do some shrieking tonight ;)

**James Potter I **Love what you're thinking, Moony ;)

**Sirius Black III **Me too. Don't invite Wormtail. I hate it when he giggles. ;)

**Lord Voldemort **Nothing like facebook hate. Life is just a game and you're the losers.

**Lord Voldemort **I hate you all.

**Lord Voldemort **OH MY NOSE! MILEY CYRUS JUST TWEETED ME SAYING WE SHOULD MEET AND PARTY IN THE USA! OMNNNNN! I'M SO EXCITED I CREYSSS AND WET MY ROBESSSSSS!

**Harry James Potter **…

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **…

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **…

**Bellatrix Lestrange **…

**Remus Lupin **…

**James Potter I **…

**Severus Prince Snape **…

**Sirius Black III **…

**Bill Weasley **…

**Ginny Weasley **…

**Percy Ignatius Weasley **…

**Neville Longbottom **LONG LIVE HARRY POTTER!

**George Weasley **This is so awkward but Gred and I wanted to advertise our improved HEADLESS HATS!

**Fred Weasley **Only 9.95 Galleons. Discount to all those who will get it within this week! This is indeed awkward. -.-

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**_REVIEWS! :)_**


	4. Ronald's status

_**A/N: This has a bit HP vs. Twilight. I know, I should've posted it to crossover. So should I? I guess not since HP is and will be the main thought.**_

_**I saw this idea on some website that I went in and you know, since HP has its own amusement park, why don't we rub it in? :)**_

_**Oh, I don't own the both books/movies. I love HP Universe and JKR; however, I don't like twilight or good ol' steph. REVIEW!

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**Ronald Bilius Weasley **We're hackin' awesome! Our wikia got more than 7,000 pages! Who rocks now?

_**Harry James Potter, Lord Voldemort, Hermione Jean Granger, and nth Harry Potter fans like this.**_

**Isabella Marie Swan **Lols. We got our own wikia too! Beat that suckers!

**Hermione Jean Granger **Bet yours only got 900 articles all about you PMSing.

**Lord Voldemort **^Pwned. For a mudblood like Granger, she's pretty smart. Unlike someone who's unwanted over there.

**Isabella Marie Swan **AM NOT! FYI, Edward left me because he's too handsome I might die. He's worried for me.

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **Pfft! He left you because he's with Cho Chang! HA! You muggles are so freakin' stupid.

**Harry James Potter **Duh? Your boyfriend doesn't love you, you know? He got himself killed because of freakin' ME.

**Isabella Marie Swan **HE LOVES ME! YOU ALL SUCK!

**Edward Cullen **Ha! I love Bella, but I love Cho more. Oh, and btw, OUR wikia is awesome-r!

**Emmett Cullen **Duh? Well, for someone who has magic, you could make yours a little bit darker.

**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore **Duh? For someone who sparkles, you could get yours some freakin' lights!

**Lord Voldemort **You just got pwned by old Dumbledore! You so reeks.

**Carlisle Cullen **We're still more beautiful than you.

**Gilderoy Lockhart **Ehem. Are you saying something about beauty, Dr. Cullen? May I comment that you're pointing to the five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile?

**Rosalie Cullen **Ew, guys, you know what? Let's just go and stop spending time with these jerks.

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **Jerks, you say? What house are you in? Hufflepuff?

**Isabella Marie Swan **What the hell is a Hufflepuff? And oh, at least we don't go around waving our wands in the air like retards.

**Harry James Potter **For your information, Ms. Swan, your lovely boyfriend did that too. But oh no, he just chose to sparkle like a bitch.

**Hermione Jean Granger **Sparkling vampires aren't true; scientifically nor magically impossible.

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **Listen to the know-it-all, bitches!

**Edward Cullen **You're all just jealous of us.

**Neville Longbottom **For what? For drinking bloody bloods? I'd rather drink butter beer than that. Or now that I'm off age, A FIREWHISKEY! BAM!

**Alice Cullen **At least our fans love us!

**Harry James Potter **Fans? You have those?

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **At least, our fans stuck with us until the very end, unlike you. Oh, and didn't you betrayed that Swan girl at that last part of the book? When you ran away with your stupid, introvert husband.

**Alice Cullen **THAT WAS FOR THEIR OWN SAFETY.

**Harry James Potter **Did Hermione left me when we're looking for horcruxes? Is that what you called safety? Duh, twilight, think clearly. Ya'll so immature.

**Edward Cullen **HEY!

**Isabella Marie Swan **Ya'll are unloved.

**Severus Prince Snape **100 points off Hufflepuff! Cedric, watch that mouth of your bratty girlfriend.

**Edward Cullen **I'm not Cedric anymore! Oh and Bella, shut up. I'm a prefect.

**Severus Prince Snape **Oh, right. You're the spare.

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **Wow, so many notifs. Sorry for commenting late. I just got off OUR ROLLER COASTER.

**Lord Voldemort **PWNED!

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_**A/N: how about a review? Ron's the one who rubbed WWOHP's roller coaster. lol sorry if it's not that funny. I had a lot on my mind right now, but nonetheless, REVIEW!**_


	5. Newsfeed: March 28'11

**Rodolphus Lestrange **I tried to hold on but it hurts too much, I tried to forgive but it's not enough to make it all okay. :(

_**Lord Voldemort likes this.**_

**Bellatrix Lestrange **Baby, why? What's the matter?

**Rodolphus Lestrange **You're the matter! Why do you have kids with the fucking dark lord?

**Lord Voldemort **Did I hear fuck?

**Rodolphus Lestrange **See! That's what I'm talking about! You're cheating on me!

**Bellatrix Lestrange **I'm not! Baby, please believe me!

**Lord Voldemort **Lol. We did have sex. It's just that you're hormones aren't working that's why we didn't have kids. Maybe that's why you and Rodolphus didn't have either.

**Bellatrix Lestrange **Shh! You're embarrassing me, my Lord!

**Rodolphus Lestrange **Forever Alone. I'd just fuck myself in the corner.

**Lord Voldemort **I'd be glad to join you, Rodolphus.

**Bellatrix Lestrange **Oh no.

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**Rodolphus Lestrange **went from being "married" to "single".

_**Lord Voldemort likes this.**_

**Bellatrix Lestrange **Oh no baby!

**Lord Voldemort **Sup, Rodolphus. Wanna do some shrieking of our own? ;)

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**Draco Lucius Malfoy **Interested in making magic together? My wand's at ready.

_**Astoria Greengrass-Malfoy likes this.**_

**Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy **Ew Dad! That's just awkward.

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **O_O

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**Michael Jackson **_**to**_**Lord Voldemort **You got any luck with the plastic surgeon?

_**The Weasley Family likes this.**_

**Lord Voldemort **Fuck off, Weasels. And no, MJ. Haven't got any.

**Michael Jackson **That's just so sad. But your nose seems to fit more to your bad boy image.

**Lord Voldemort **Thanks MJ! I love you more than I love my ZEFRON poster – wait, sorry Draco. I stole the poster from you.

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **WHAT? THAT WAS MY ONLY ZEFRON POSTER! WAIT 'TIL MY FATHER HEARS ABOUT THIS. Oh. Right.

**Michael Jackson **So… what happened to your nose?

**Lord Voldemort **Isn't it odd that when my nose got lost, yours grew?

**Michael Jackson **O_O

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**Edward Cullen **Why is it that Voldemort doesn't sparkle like fucking me? :D

_**Isabella Marie Swan, and other Twilight dudes like this.**_

**Lord Voldemort **Because I fucking S-H-I-N-E.

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**Jacob Black **_**to **_**Remus Lupin **Pack meeting on Thursday. You in? We've got a new member. Leah Clearwater's dancing nude.

_**Leah Clearwater, Seth Clearwater and 2 others like this.**_

**Remus Lupin **I have a wife.

**Nymphadora Tonks-Lupin **Fuck off, bitches.

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**Pinocchio **_**to **_**Lord Voldemort **I've seen MJ's wallpost to you. I know the solution!

_**Lord Voldemort likes this.**_

**Lord Voldemort **Go on.

**Pinocchio **Lying will do every good! So just lie ;) Just look at me. Ain't I gorgeous?

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**Harry James Potter **_**to **_**Hermione Jean Granger **Hermione! I needed your super genius mind!

_**Hermione Jean Granger likes this.**_

**Hermione Jean Granger **What is it, Harry?

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **Ooh, good timing, Harry! :)

**Harry James Potter **If Voldemort killed Ron and me, are we going to be sparkly vampires?

**Hermione Jean Granger **No, Harry. You'd both just be dead.

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **Oh thank God!

**Harry James Potter **RELIEF!

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**_A/N: _**_Good or bad? Just bored. Hey, I know that it's not that funny. So you can suggest._

_I've got some of the ideas in facebook/yahoo answers. I don't own them, I just modified them, so it's not that the same. But the idea definitely goes to them. :) Although some are mine._


	6. Newsfeed: March 30'11

_**A/N: **__Thanks for suggesting, __ KittyRin__. This chapter includes ALL of the generetions. Oh, and the date that I put, it's actually the date in our country. So, yeah. You're probably wondering if I traveled in the future. Well, I didn't. There's some funny jokes I caught on the net. And I laughed my ass off. Literally._

_Oh, yeah. And Voldemort does like to like wallposts and status. It's just his hobby. I found it quite funny, actually._

_I got some of the ideas in so some of the credits should go to them._

_**Disclaimer: **__Nope. I'm free of charge. Don't own the facebook or HPUniverse.

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**Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy **_**to**_** Rose Weasley **Where have you been all my life?

_**Lord Voldemort likes this.**_

**Rose Weasley **Hiding from you.

**Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy **Haven't I seen you some place before?

**Rose Weasley **Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

**Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy **If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.

**Rose Weasley **If I saw you naked, I'd die laughing.

**Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy **Hey baby ;) what's your sign?

**Rose Weasley **Do not enter.

**Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy **Your place or mine?

**Rose Weasley** Both. You would go to yours and I would go to mine.

**Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy **If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "U" and "I" together.

**Rose Weasley** Really? I would put "F" and "U" together.

**Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy **Geez, woman. I can't paint you. What's wrong with you?

**Rose Weasley **You happened. :|

**Hugo Weasley **Get a room!

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**Harry James Potter **_**to **_**Lord Voldemort **Why aren't you married yet?

_**Ronald Bilius Weasley, Hermione Jean Granger, and 77777 people like this.**_

**Lord Voldemort **And spoil my great sex life? Pfft.

**Harry James Potter **O_O

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**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore **_is married to_**Gellert Grindelwald.**

_**Gellert Grindelwald likes this.**_

**Severus Prince Snape **Isn't it too soon for you to come out of the closet, Albus?

**Lord Voldemort **Duh, he's like… 400 years old. It's about time!

**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore **Uh, thanks. O.o

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**Lord Voldemort **_**to **_**Minerva Mcgonagall **You look like the a million bucks! All green and wrinkled.

_**Draco Lucius Malfoy, Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, and other bad ass Slytherin who would mess with the deputy head mistress like this.**_

**Minerva Mcgonagall **Why don't you sleep into something far more comfortable? Like a coma.

**Lord Voldemort **If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. You're fat, btw.

**Minerva Mcgonagall **I may be fat, but you're ugly. And I can diet.

**Lord Voldemort **Every woman has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege.

**Minerva Mcgonagall **Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

**Lord Voldemort **You're lucky to be born beautiful, unlike me, who was born to be a big liar.

**Minerva Mcgonagall **There's no vaccine for stupidity.

**Lord Voldemort **How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

**Minerva Mcgonagall **I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

**Lord Voldemort **I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.

**Minerva Mcgonagall **I hear the only place you're ever invited was outside.

**Rubeus Hagrid **Don't let 'em worry you, lot. Happens all the time. Lover's quarrel, as they put it. ;)

**Hugo Weasley **Get a room!

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**Harry James Potter **Evanesco Nargles!

_**Luna Lovegood likes this.**_

**Ginny Weasley **You must not be a muggle, 'cause you cast a spell on me ;)

**Harry James Potter **I must need occlumency, because I can't get you out of my thoughts.

**Ginny Weasley **Did you use Relashio? 'Cause there's a spark between us.

**Harry James Potter **Are you using the Confundus Charm or are you naturally mind-blowing?

**Ginny Weasley **Will you be my horcrux tonight? Because I want to give some piece of my soul to you.

**Harry James Potter **Would you like a butterbeer? It's a port key. Next thing you know, we'd be back to my place ;)

**Hugo Weasley **Get a room!

**Harry James Potter **O_O

**Ginny Weasley **O_O

**Lord Voldemort **Harry! Did you survived the Avada Kedavra curse?

**Harry James Potter **?

**Lord Voldemort **'Cause you're drop dead gorgeous!

**Ginny Weasley **…

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**_A/N: _**_The last part with Voldemort's, I saw that at some group. :) not claiming it was mine. oh, and the HP pick-up lines were definitely not mine._

**_REVIEWS!_**


	7. Newsfeed: April 24'11

_**A/N:**__Thanks for suggesting,__KittyRin__.I might use some weird pairs that you gave! _

_This is somewhat an AVPM/S appreciation chapter. All of the lines… except that maybe, I posted it to the wrong bearer. Like when it was supposed to be the line of Draco and I posted it as Snape's (things like those) Oh, and I might add some hpotter lines from the books._

_**Disclaimer:**__Nope. I'm free of charge. Don't own the facebook or HPUniverse or AVPM/S._

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**Ronald Bilius Weasley **Favorite Aimee Mann song on three. One, Two, Three.

_**Harry James Potter and Ginny Weasley like this.**_

**Harry James Potter **Red Vines!

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **Red Vines!

**Harry James Potter **Favorite vine color other than green.

**Ronald Bilius Weasley** Red Vines!

**Harry James Potter **Red Vines!

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **Favorite way to say "Red Vines" in a German accent.

**Harry James Potter **Red Vines! *german accent*

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **Red Vines! *german accent* *tackle hug* OH MY GOD.

**Harry James Potter ***tackle hug back* OH MY GOD.

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **Where have you been all my life?

**Harry James Potter **Oh, in a cupboard… under some stairs.

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **… That's so cool.

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**Cedric Diggory**_is so in love with Cho Chang._

_**Cho Chang and her posies like this; Harry James Potter and Ronald Weasley hate this.**_

**Cedric Diggory **From Bangkok to DingDang. I'll sing my love aloud for Cho Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaang.

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**Ronald Bilius Weasley ***holding the sword of Godric Gryffindor* This thing is so. Damn. Awesome. OH MY GOD EVERY WIZARD SHOULD HAVE A SWORD, not these stupid drumsticks. FORGET ABOUT 'EM!"

_**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Lord Voldemort, Harry James Potter, Hermione Jean Granger, Draco Lucius Malfoy, Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood and 7, 777, 779 wizards like this.**_

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**Severus Prince Snape **Turn to page 394.

_**Lord Voldemort, Remus Lupin and Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore like this.**_

**Severus Prince Snape **And remember, a portkey may simply seem a harmless object like...a football or...a dolphin.

**Lavender Brown **Professor, could like a person be a portkey?

**Severus Prince Snape **No that's absurd. Because then if a person were to touch themselves… *glares at Weasley*

**Ronald Bilius Weasley**Wha—?

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**Hermione Jean Granger **I don't know about this tournament, Harry. Someone died!

_**Neville Longbottom likes this; Ronald Bilius Weasley hates this.**_

**Harry James Potter **Uhm, I'm the boy who LIVED, not DIED.

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **Ugh. Hermione, Why do you have to be such a buzz kill?

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**Mama Dolores Jane Umbridge**Rule number 1: No boys...unless they're cute. Rule number 2: No alcohol...unless there's plenty to go around. Rule number 3: No parties...unless Umbridge is invited! But seriously girls, if I do catch you with any boys or alcohol, I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR PERKY LITTLE BOOBS OFF.

_**Lord Voldemort likes this.**_

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**Harry James Potter **Hey guys, guys, guys, I got just the thing…

_**The Gang likes this and singing along.**_

**Harry James Potter **Hermione can't draw! Hermione can't draw! Hermione cannot draw!

**Harry James Potter **She only reads books and she cannot draw even if she's reading a how-to-draw book.

**The Gang **She only reads books and she cannot draw even if she's reading a how-to-draw book.

**Remus Lupin **Alright guys, it's alright, alright, I screwed up, Slytherin's got the field. The hell is this... stop dancing - stop dancing like that. Guys, stop. The song isn't even that funny.

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **Oh yeah? Let's hear you sing a song, right now, in front of everyone.

**Remus Lupin **I don't have to sing for you.

**Harry James Potter **Lupin can't sing! Lupin can't sing! Lupin cannot sing.

**The Gang **He only reads books and he cannot sing even if he's sing a reading a how-to-sing book.

**Remus Lupin **Yes, I can sing!

**The Gang **Lupin can't sing! Lupin can't sing! Lupin cannot sing. He only reads books and he cannot sing even if he's sing a reading a how-to-sing book.

**Remus Lupin **I'm Remus Freakin'- Alright guys, guys, guys-alright-hey-guys-hey. Remember how Hermione can't draw? She can't draw.

**The Gang **Hermione can't draw, Hermione can't draw, Hermione cannot draw! She only reads books and she cannot draw even if she's reading a how-to-draw book!

**Hermione Jean Granger **Hmp.

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**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore **Oh, goddamit! It's a text from Umbridge!

_**Severus Prince Snape and Lord Voldemort like this.**_

**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore **It says, "We need to talk. Colon, right parentheses."

**Severus Prince Snape **Oh, I do not envy you.

**Cell phone **I'm ringing.

**Severus Prince Snape** Oh, sorry, that's me. What the devil? It's a BBM from Umbridge! "Are you with Dumbledore? Did he get my text?" Now you've dragged me into this?

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**Lucius Malfoy **OH MY GOD, UMBRIDGE! STOP TEXTING ME!

_**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore likes this.**_

**Mama Dolores Jane Umbridge **Did you get my text?

**Lucius Malfoy **Yes!

**Mama Dolores Jane Umbridge **Well, you didn't text me back.

* * *

**Harry James Potter **_to _**Peter Pettigrew **You're never going to get away with this. Now that we've found you, Sirius is gonna be free and you're going to go to Azkaban.

_**Ronald Bilius Weasley, Hermione Jean Granger, Remus Lupin, Severus Prince Snape, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore and Draco Lucius Malfoy like this.**_

**Peter Pettigrew**Oh, I've got a better idea. How about I kill all of you and get away scot-free?

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **Oh, uhm, no. No, no, no, no. You should go to jail. We can vote on it.

**Peter Pettigrew** Vote? Why don't you vote on what's gonna be on your tombstone?

**Harry James Potter **Red Vines!

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **Red Vines!

* * *

**Mama Dolores Jane Umbridge **_to _**Harry James Potter **I wonder what would happen if I just...broke your fingers. Because then you wouldn't be able to play the guitar anymore, and then all your little friends would just leave you alone, and then you'll be just like Umbridge. Except Umbridge can kick your ass.

_**Lucius Malfoy likes this.**_

**Harry James Potter ***gulp*

* * *

**Severus Prince Snape **That's absurd.

_**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Lord Voldemort, Lucius Malfoy, Mama Dolores Jane Umbridge, Harry James Potter, Ronald Bilius Weasley and 50 people like this.**_

**Remus Lupin **You're absurd!

**Severus Prince Snape **What? Say that again to my face!

**Remus Lupin **You're absurd!

**Severus Prince Snape **That's absurd!

* * *

**Mama Dolores Jane Umbridge **_to _**Sorting Hat **This is my office now. Team Jacob Headquarters complete. Tell me, Sorting Hat, are you Team Edward or Team Jacob?

_**Lord Voldemort likes this.**_

**Sorting Hat **I'm Team Dumbledore!

**Mama Dolores Jane Umbridge **What? Dumbledore ain't a fictional character!

* * *

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **This is horrible…

_**Draco Lucius Malfoy, Gregory Goyle, Vincent Crabbe and some other Slytherins like this.**_

**Harry James Potter **Yeah, I mean, look at this: Harry Potter versus Voldemort in the fight of the century.

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **No, it's _not that_; it's Her_mione. _It's just like, I can't get her out of my head and every time I look at her, I have these pains in my chest and I just know it's her fault, that _bitch_. I'm just not cut out for this, Harry. I'm not.

**Harry James Potter **blah blah blah me me me…

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **No, no, it's not about you, I'm miserable, you're a self-absorbed jerk ... and I'm sick of it. So... so good luck with whatever you were talking about, and I hope you and Voldemort live happily ever after, cause me, I am never going to be happy again. So I'm just going to go curl up in my sock drawer and sleep for days.

**Hermione Jean Granger **Are you alright, Ron?

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **I will be. After a Red Vine.

* * *

**Ginny Weasley **_to _**Lavender Brown **Konichiwa, Cho Chang. I am Ginny Weasley.

_**Harry James Potter likes this.**_

**Lavender Brown **Bitch, I ain't Cho Chang!

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **That's Lavender Brown! Racist, sister!

* * *

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **_to _**Ginny Weasley **Wait, don't tell me. Red hair, hand me down clothes and a stupid complexion. You must be a Weasley!

_**Gregory Goyle and Vincent Crabbe like this.**_

**Ronald Bilius Weasley **Lay off, Malfoy! She maybe a pain in the ass, but she's my pain in the ass.

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **Isn't this cute! It's like a little loser family! Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. Luckly next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts!

* * *

**Draco Lucius Malfoy **_to _**Harry James Potter **Hey! The Harry Potter I know wouldn't just give up!

_**Hermione Jeann Granger and Ronald Bilius Weasley like this.**_

**Harry James Potter **That's because the Harry Potter you know is a 12 year old super hero… And I'm an 11 year old child.

* * *

_**A/N: **__Re-watched AVPM/S again, and I'm very inspired to do this. :) __**Please do not alert and favorite if you're not going to Review. It would bruise my ego.**_


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